Today’s guest is Stephanie Michelle from https://thestephaniemichelle.com/. Stephanie is a Forbes-featured leadership & life coach, certified hypnotherapist, and best-selling author of the transformational networking book Confident Introvert. She has facilitated over 1,000 events and established a fulfilling career helping people generate meaningful connections with themselves and others that catapult them forward in their careers and life.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How she got started as a life coach and what led her down this path.
- What led her to write the book Confident Introvert.
- What does she look for in a coach?
- How she transitioned from In-Person Event Business to Online events.
- How to network when you are an introverted person.
Adam: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Digital Nomad Cafe Podcast. Today’s guest is Stephanie Michelle. She’s the author of the Confident Introvert book, a speaker and coach. Stephanie, welcome to the show.
Stephanie: Hi, Adam. Thanks!
Adam: So Stephanie, you have created a book to help people who are introverted to be more confident. So this is a really interesting topic because a lot of people feel like if you don’t have confidence, a lot of opportunities in life are going to pass you by, because maybe you’re confident enough to take it up. So, can you wind us back, just before the call, you said the book is one in June. What led you to reading the book on how to get started with speaking and coaching and what led you down this path?
Stephanie: I knew I always wanted to write a book, and sometimes I don’t know, maybe some listeners can relate. There’s this feeling of whatever the book is, it’s my legacy. And there’s a lot of pressure on what that book is. And I came to a place, it was actually in November of 2019, right before a lot has shifted. And I was looking back on my life and I realised, I’ve been touring this webinar, or excuse me, at this time it’s a workshop called Networking for Introverts. And so I transcribed that workshop and then I went through the frequently asked questions, and I began to put everything in a document and it became, slowly but surely, a book. So oftentimes, we have a book inside of us, and it may not be exactly the book that we think, this is it. But you know what, you can have multiple books. So that really liberated me to write this book and say, okay this is a part of my legacy and what I stand for. But what I really wanted to get out there is that you can be an introvert, which means that you get your energy from solitude, it doesn’t mean that you’re shy, but it means that you just get your energy a little bit differently than people who are extroverted that like to be at those raves and concerts. I’m not a huge fan of that. But really even going deeper, it stems from growing up with this lingering feeling of disconnection and really wanting to find that because I showed up a little bit differently than the stereotypical narrative of someone who’s like, always putting themselves out there and taking bets on themselves. And there were times when I almost did that, but I would kind of hold back at the last minute, or think, ‘Oh, I won’t win anyway.’ or even if I did win something, there would be another belief that would come up like, ‘Oh, maybe there’s something wrong.’ So, my own journey to building a sense of confidence and community in the process is what led me to writing Confident Introvert.
Adam: You definitely hear some people are massively affected by just when you’re in that crowd scenario that the energy of it really drains them and stuff like that. It’s interesting because I’ve always been ENTP when I do the Myers Briggs. So I’m on the other side of the fence, I believe, in terms of being really extroverted. And I do like that scenario. But it’s funny as you get older, you kind of swim the other way. You’re like, you’ll do it for a little bit and then you’ll come back. So what are some strategies and tips to people who are maybe more introverted and who prefer the solitude for them to make meaningful connections and the network with people who are, you know what I mean, in the industry that they want to go into or in their industry? Because networking is such a fundamental part of running an online business, whether it’s in this scenario, like doing video calls and over email, but ultimately, when you go to events, that’s where you often make these meaningful connections with people. You got to go for dinner, you got to hang out. When the world is normal, I’m talking about. How do you think people should approach that when they’re swaying on the introverted side of being human?
Stephanie: When it comes to networking, specifically, the first step is to reframe what networking means to you. So, there can be a lot of pressure on that word, and a lot of people have a negative connotation of, ‘Oh, it’s transactional. It’s slimy. It’s this thing that I have to do. It’s a means to an end.’ When, if you approach it that way, it’s going to really suck. But if you instead think of networking as making new friends, then that would be such a game changer. So for me, when I first started my networking journey, I would volunteer at events. Before, I was hosting events, I was more behind the scenes and I loved having a purpose. So if you identify as being introverted, having any sense of purpose at an event by volunteering, allows you to interface with people and to also understand the behind the scenes structures and people will come up to you, approaching you, asking you questions that you likely have insights into because you have that behind the scene knowledge. But it also helps you build confidence to constantly put yourself out there in situations where you do become desensitised to the sense of anxiety that you used to feel. And the same thing goes for public speaking, for doing interviews, for things like that. And there is a deeper layer to this, though. And the deeper layer to this is social anxiety that some people think is just inherent with being an introvert. It’s like, if you’re introverted, then you feel this crippling anxiety socially, when that doesn’t need to be the case, but it can often be the case.
So one really tangible tip that I like to offer people who are like, ‘Okay, I’m dedicated. I’m ready. I want to get out there and do the networking thing and go after my dreams.’ Dream of career, dream of life, whatever it is, is to have something called a solitude sandwich. I know, even if you’re low-carb, you can appreciate this. So basically, it’s a concept from the book, and what you’ll do is you’ll have pieces of solitude, your bread, that sandwich, your activity, or let’s say that’s your peanut butter. Because what so many of us do is we’re just reaching into that peanut butter jar, eating it by the glob and we’re wondering why we feel so depleted. And on some level, that sounds kind of nice, but no, it’s not sustainable. We want to have that time on either end, to reach purge and replenish. So what that can look like is, let’s say that you have, and this can be virtual or in person, let’s say that you have a one hour event. Sometimes, what we do is schedule ourselves back to back to back, and then we’re completely burnt out and we hit a wall, and we need to either log off the computer, or go home immediately because we’re depleted. So to avoid that, what you want to do is have, let’s say, 15 minutes, it can be a half an hour on either end of the event, where there’s nothing planned aside from just being. You could meditate, you could stretch, you could walk around.
Adam: It’s funny you say that because I know, whenever I go to conferences, and I’ve flown to conferences all over Canada, and Spain, and London, Berlin, like, you go and you do the conference part and then you need to go back to the hotel room just to like, “I just need to de-people here for a little half an hour.” To reload the energy to go back out because it’s so much talking and talking and talking and it can be intense. And then on the opposite side of that, you do notice that some people tend to, they’ll find that one or two people that they may be clicked with a little bit, and then they kind of sit there with those people, and they don’t make an effort to get to know, like you said, to make some new friends, to meet new people who they haven’t engaged with yet. When we’re talking about the confidence to, not just networking, you hit it on the head there when you said it’s, yes, career, yes, work, but also life, relationships. All these things blossom out of having the confidence to proceed and engage in conversation so it affects many areas of your life, not just your work relationship. Do you see that? So do you see that it’s something people do? Because I guess it’s their default and maybe it’s their comfort zone, in a way, because they’re like, “Oh, I like this person. They’re cool. Let’s just sit here and I don’t have to do all the–”
Stephanie: Yeah. So one of my main tips around going to networking events is to go by yourself. And that can be really jolting for some people because it’s so common to outsource your confidence in the form of, let’s say, sidekick or a friend. Let’s say you want to go to this event, but you say, “Oh, but I can’t go by myself. I need my friend to go with me.” And then who do you speak with the entire time? But then, to your point, even if you do go by yourself, it’s possible that in the very beginning of the event, you could, let’s say, find one person and speak with him the whole time. In one situation, this is totally fine. In another, this is not. So this situation in which this is not going to serve you is if it’s the first person that you connect with, but you’re not actually clicking. So if you’re speaking with someone and the conversation is going nowhere, and you speak with them the whole time, that’s not going to be great. I would not recommend it. However, if you were at an event, and this is, maybe not a conference, but let’s say it’s, it’s one hour, two hour, three hour event, at least for the one hour portion, it could take a few tries entering different groups, approaching different individuals or groups of three, I like to approach groups of three instead of groups of two because there’s more likely a third wheel. Go for three and you’ll be more welcome. So, you’ll know when you click. So not settling for connection for the sake of connection, but actually being able to talk about things that are slightly below the surface, maybe even a little bit personal. Not to be confused with too personal, but talking about, let’s say, a milestone of something, like a trip that you’re planning. So that’s really exciting these days because people are beginning to travel more. So essentially, I would say that it can still be a win to speak with, let’s say, only one person in depth when in events. However, if it’s a multiple day conference and you’re speaking with one person for three eight hour days, then no. Let’s not do that, but it’s perfectly reasonable to have an hour conversation with someone, and let it really flow in that way and then get their contact information and get back out there and meet more people.
Adam: I like that idea, especially the group of three. It’s funny because I have this love-hate relationship with conferences where you go and sometimes they’re great, sometimes they’re not, and it’s all literally down to the people who you connected with there. And sometimes, if you look back in hindsight, was I a standoffish? Was I trying to engage with people? Or did I just come to meet one person and come to just pile a boat with them for the day and you didn’t grow your network in the way you set out to. I’ve even watched some people, they are so good at it. They’re just like, they sit and they talk for 5-10 minutes and they’re like, “Alright. I’m going to walk around the room.” And what they mean by that is they’re just like, I want to connect with loads of different people and see if somebody is just like, aha! I like you, you like me. Let’s follow up again later on and talk about some stuff..
Stephanie: There’s nothing wrong with quality over quantity, though. There’s this character, and I think we all know who they are, slimy stand. So just by saying that, you can probably picture what this archetype is,and that’s someone who, maybe he’s trying to do the thing you’re mentioning where you speak to someone for 5 minutes and then have 5-minute conversations with dozens of people over the course of hours. But what we can run into when we do that is maybe being so future focused and not present, that we don’t actually connect with the person and it becomes transactional, which is what a lot of people fear about what networking will be like as an experience. So I’d say, there’s certainly an art to that, making multiple connections at an event. And sometimes it will happen more naturally where people will flow in and out of a larger circle, for example. But there’s a balance between having a strategy in mind or maybe, numerically, I want to meet x amount of people. But I want to be more qualitative because ultimately, when it comes to both giving and receiving help or guidance in our careers, if you have a list of 20 people and you know the bullet points, then sure, you can make those introductions, but if you know someone on a deeper level, then you’ll really able to advocate for them and they will be really able to dig below the surface of what your LinkedIn says. And if an opportunity comes up that maybe isn’t publicly something that you’re interested in, they would know.
Adam: That’s interesting. I like it. Let’s circle back a little bit to your website, thestephaniemichelle.com. You’re doing coaching with people as well. I’m just curious. Obviously, these past 12 months, in-person events have had a massive shift online, but it’s not the same as what we’re just talking about. I’m curious, how have you maintained, as somebody who had a business that was focused on events and speaking and public speaking and things like that, how have you transitioned over the last 12 months? And also before that, how did it start? When did this start and where did that come from?
Stephanie: I’ll start at the beginning. At the very beginning, attending events and being just very curious about the dynamics. I am a planner at heart so I love logistics. Some people, it gives them a headache. With me, I really thrive on it. So being able to observe in the San Francisco Bay Area, attending those events and then getting involved behind the scenes. And then getting to a point of curating my own events and also joining the board of the unprofessionals of San Francisco, really enlivening events and having dance classes, for example, instead of just your traditional mixers. Because I believe that networking, when we reframe it, is making friends.We’re not necessarily only networking if we’re in a room with a bunch of people, let’s say, suited up with a sign that says ‘networking’ outside of it. It’s something that’s always happening. So it can be fun. I’ve hosted over a thousand events in person. It was quite a transition. I’ve branded myself as an in real life connection advocate. And then, I never imagined, many of us never imagined that that wouldn’t be possible one day, during their lifetime. It was an interesting experience that flew me for a loop, so to speak, but what I ended up doing was being flexible. That’s all that we can do. There’s so much that’s out of our control and we need to be prepared at any moment to get to the root of our why. This was an opportunity for me to deepen what my why was. Originally, I was all about, ‘Let’s gather in person.’ Being in the tech hub of the world in Silicon Valley, I was sticking out like a sword in a way that I enjoy it. Everyone’s in their VR, virtual reality world with their headsets on and I’m gathering people in person. It seems like a lost art, and when that was no longer possible, these tools that I had pushed aside became the ones that I needed to leverage in order to both maintain momentum within my business. So for example, I transitioned my webinar, Networking for Introverts into a remote format and called it, Networking Remotely. So as I learned and researched all of the different meetups that are happening virtually and all of the different skills that you need to be able to do that effectively in an online space, I then relate and share that knowledge. I began to tour pretty much every week, throughout the whole situation that we’ve been in since April. When it comes to lead generation for my business, workshops have always been a primary way that I connect with people that I can eventually work with. How I’ve achieved over the past year is now instead of in-person events, it’s been through webinars. And what’s been really cool about webinars is, let’s say that if I were to host an event, I used to host a lot of events at the general assembly space in San Francisco. Their biggest room can hold 200 people. So let’s say I can host an event and we will be capped at 200, then when I started hosting events virtually, we can have 800 people in that virtual room. It’s always about quality over quantity to me. However, that was cool to be able to not have that cap to have more possible.
Adam: Absolutely. It makes the potential for your business far greater because you’re not leveraged to a location. Like you’re saying, they’re in San Francisco Bay Area, maybe I’m interested. I’m in Ireland. I’m not getting all the way there. That’s literally the other side of the world, but within just America, you’ve got the East Coast. You’re opening yourself up when you go online in this format, by doing webinars. Just that whole range of audience and opportunity that you just couldn’t have done before. Or maybe you thought a room of 200 was big. A room of 800 is a big bloody room. That’d be a big stage if you were up on it. That’s a lot of people. Were you doing these stands for these webinars, these workshops, were they like these challenge things? I see a lot of these lately where it’s like, a three-day challenge or five-day challenge and you run the Facebook ads, set a challenge, and then they might pay like 20 quid or something just to do little mini challenge and then the upsell then is ultimately the coaching or the high signature offer, the course, the higher level course. So would that have been the strategy for doing it live with these people? Or is it like pre-recorded webinars and you run them in and they kind of self-serve based on documentation and videos you’ve prepared in advance?
Stephanie: I did not go that route. I did not end up what say having a mini paid challenge that lasted multiple days. It’s something that I may consider in the future, but what I have done over the past year is taking one of the aspects that I really enjoyed and that attendees really enjoyed from my in person experiences, was the fact that it was live. In my opinion, and I say this now, but who knows, give me another year, it could shift. But for now, my belief is there are YouTube videos online, YouTube’s great, they’re pre recorded. There’s something about the energy of being live. And being able to interact in real time, I love the opportunity to see who’s in the room. And to ask a question, and then see the different, let’s say, locations pop up in that initial question that we all get of like, “Where are you right now?” Because you could be anywhere. And then when people respond with their questions, or different answers to the questions that I asked, I get to get acquainted with people. And then I’ll get a request on LinkedIn. And it’s like, “Oh, Devin. Yeah, I remember you from tonight’s event. Awesome. Thanks for connecting.” And it more closely mirrors the in person experience, or at least the component of it that many of us love so much and miss that’s coming back.
Adam: I have seen a few events happen, I think we were saying before to call Miami seems to be the spot. Miami, like all the DJs, have gone there. But aside from that, I’ve seen quite a few of the online marketers kind of fly over there to host events, actually quite a few of them in the last, maybe three weeks have gone over. In America, there’s a place where you can go back to having these events. But it’s great to hear that you were able to pivot. You went literally from being known as the person who can put on these fun, cool events that are different, that are good for networking. And then that was taken away. And you could have taken that blow and gotten down or whatever. But no, you didn’t do that. You pivoted, which is the important thing, and moved into the online webinar space. And now you’ve actually come out the other end of it, being able to serve more people, add volume, and by all means, you’re going to have these in person events when possible, but I can’t can’t imagine that now you will throw away or discard the opportunity to also do webinars as well. It will be kind of a jewel model. Because now you’ve gone through it, you understand the process. And you can see the scale and the size of the audience, really that it can potentially open up for you.
Stephanie: Exactly. And so right now, my focus is one on one coaching, but I do see transitioning into a more group format that also brings in that community building component, ensuring that we’re able to stay connected and connected with like-minded people that have similar goals, they’re ambitious. That’s one of the things that I love best about networking is that you’re in a room with people who are striving, who want to be better. And that’s the type of energy that really feeds your own growth as well.
Adam: Because often, a lot of people don’t have it in their location, maybe, where they are. Maybe it’s different in the San Francisco Bay Area, because it is what it is.
Stephanie: Yeah, I mean, this breaks down barriers. If you’re in a small town in Iowa, for sure.
Adam: Exactly. And it gives you that opportunity. So when you’re working, doing one on one coaching, let’s just kind of talk about what you see as some recurrent topics or recurrent themes that you have noticed come up over and over again that you feel most people might suffer from or might have. Do you have any that you might be able to touch on or talk about and maybe then how people could then potentially overcome them?
Stephanie: Certainly. A theme in my coaching practice over the last year includes anxiety, and not just social anxiety, but an underlying sense of dis-ease. Being alone. Being with people doesn’t matter. But just showing up with this sort of jitteriness that impacts sleep, impacts quality of life. There’s also imposter syndrome, and self limiting beliefs. Self limiting beliefs, it’s something that existed before the world shifted, but a lot of them have come up as we’ve had more time to engage in solitude and be alone with those thoughts. And what I encourage my clients to do is to get really clear on questioning those beliefs. So if you tell yourself, ‘I’m not good at this’, it could be your big white secret in disguise. And what a big light secret is, is something that we’ve written off as something that we’re not good at when if we actually reframe or look at that thing in a different way, then it’s a strength. So sometimes, maybe as children, we are labeled something and then we carry that label with us through into our adulthood and we think of it as a fact about ourselves when really, it was a judgment or an opinion that someone bestowed upon us that we internalized as fact. What’s kind of fun about being an adult is getting to understand what’s fact and what’s fiction and to proactively understand what’s true for you. And then to live it.
Adam: It’s so true what you’re saying. I’ve read a few different books, and listened to a few podcasts and audiobooks around this topic, literally, around neuroplasticity, where your brain, and you can basically as an adult, you can rewire parts of your brain, but you have to kind of like undo it a little bit, to get back to it. And like you’re saying, somebody might have been joking with you as a child, or it might have been doing it out of love. They might have been like, maybe one kid is smart, one kid is not so smart, and you’re like, “Oh, that’s the smart one. You’re just the dumb one.” Parents might have massively done it back in the 80s, we’re talking about, not now where everybody’s a snowflake, and you can’t say anything to anybody. But when I grew up, it was a bit different. I mean, negative self-talk and things like that. And like you’re saying, it’s about changing the framework, and taking the time to be a bit more self aware. And it’s not that you starve. This is, I think, a massive misconception people think, you stop your thoughts. It’s not that you stop them. It’s that you reframe what they mean to you. You’re making an attempt to not have them be disempowering, or have them be negative. And if they are, you don’t go down the loop, you don’t go down that negative spiral loop of thought patterns. And all of a sudden, everything is shit, the world is chaos. But I think something that I’ve seen work really well for people is to curate the content that you’re taking, because when you look at Facebook, Google, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, their algorithms that are going to reflect literally like a mirror, reflect back to you what you like, and what you engage with. And if you engage, and like and watch videos of stuff that gets you mad, and gets you annoyed and makes you feel disempowered, then you’re going to have that thrown back to you. All day, every day you go on those platforms. So there’s an element, I imagine, of self responsibility that people have to take upon themselves. But for you, as a coach, I’d say it’s inspiring and transformative, to watch that transformation within people where they kind of the dots align or something and you can see it in them, because you’re probably coaching them through that process.
Stephanie: Yes, I love that you brought up that point as well. What we consume colors our reality. I became aware of this several years ago when it comes to music, a lot of popular music is about breakups. Maybe it’s about feeling sad, feeling upset, getting revenge, whatever it is, or love sick. These are some themes and top 40 hits. So I’ve been a lot more intentional in recent years of understanding the type of music that I’m consuming. I generally don’t watch TV. Being the creator versus the consumer. And we can’t get away from consuming. We’re going to the grocery store, we’re getting eggs, whatever we need, right? We are consumers. But intentionally consuming is so crucial and a part of the coaching experience, I’ve had my own coach and it’s one of those situations where, sure, you could make these changes on your own. You could sit down and journal and understand, ‘Oh, wait, that belief isn’t mine. My parents said that 20 years ago. What the heck?’ However, having that guidance can really collapse time. Because while we can do it ourselves, I used to be such a DIY. Even with my business growth, I thought I can do 100% of things on my own. I’ll learn all those programs. I’ll just do it all. What I realized as my business has grown, particularly through this online sort of reality that we’re plugged into more than ever right now, is that I don’t have to do at all. And to be able to outsource certain things that maybe are more up to me that feel more mundane, or that feel over my head. So that I get to actually do the work that I enjoy doing. And I’m really good at.
Adam: That’s a huge learning curve. I think most new business owners go to. I love fiverr.com. All my graphics, my podcast editor, not my VA, I hired her to Facebook, but I mean, something’s wrong with the website, fix it, Fiverr. I love Fiverr. I don’t know. Not the cost of Fiverr anymore. Everything’s like 50 bloody quid, but I don’t hire the cheapest of the cheap. I go for the people with a thousand 5-star reviews. But the point, like you’re saying, you’re speaking right to me, there, like you’re sucked into the work that you don’t like doing. Maybe it’s something configuring DNS codes and servers, and you’re like, “I am absolutely going to throw this laptop out the window right now. It’s annoying me.” Or you just go on Fiverr and you just go, boom, somebody’s sorts it, job done. And then you get to focus on either the work that you enjoy doing for yourself, or the client work that you’re working on, as well. So I think that’s important. And like you said, it’s a little bit of self awareness. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself, or sometimes you have to know when either you don’t have the skills for it and it’s not the best use of your time to spend 20 hours on YouTube learning this skill, or wanting to just go, “That’s important, it needs to be done. But I’m not going to do it, I’m going to find somebody who does it. Pay them, get it done faster.”
Stephanie: And having mentorship really. So when it comes to so beyond the tangible tactical things, if you feel like the way that you feel is low vibe, depressed, whatever it is, there’s nothing wrong with that. But sometimes we need help to get out of the funk. And it could be a temporary funk because, let’s say an event just happened that was out of your control that you didn’t foresee happening. Or it could just be the way that you’ve shown up for a while that you think is your default, but actually isn’t.
Adam: It’s interesting, you mentioned you had a coach, and you offer coaching, and I did write down there just to ask you like, what do you think is important to look out for when you are looking for somebody to coach you or mentor you? Because even with what you’re touching on there, sometimes you don’t know why you feel like you’re doing the right work, but nothing’s going right. Is it the accountability? Is it talking through it? Sorry, I’m asking kind of a different question there. What do you look for in a coach first? And then we’ll see if we want something different then.
Stephanie: What you look for in a coach is, first of all, do you trust them. And this is something that you can know, maybe even by watching a video of them. You don’t even necessarily need to have a one on one call with them yet to know if you’re open to trusting them. We can get a vibe, depending on how someone shows up. So first of all, having that sense of trust, because that will be crucial, because your comfort zone will be stretched within the coaching experience. So make sure that you have that level of trust and faith and to say, “Okay, I’m going to try something different, try something new.” And also, to take a look at their testimonials, make sure that they have credible testimonials, that they have gotten clients’ results, maybe not just for them, but for other people. So that’s another crucial component. And then thirdly, I would suggest also taking a look at the things that they’ve accomplished personally. So you want to make sure that they’ve gotten the results for clients, but they’ve also lived at least part of the reality that you’d like to live. Because we are like the people that we spend the most time with. So when you’re in a coaching container with someone who is actively living a lifestyle that you would like to live, there’s a lot that comes along with that. There are networking connections that that person has that now become available to you. There’s that mindset and that energy, that less tangible stuff, that then becomes available to you. So yes, first of all being open, and understanding that they can get the results, they have gotten the results, and just be like, “Alright, let’s go.”
Adam: I agree with you there, it’s really important that they’ve either done what you would like to do or they are living a sort of lifestyle that you would like to live or just like you’re saying, that have proven experience and proven results and that you feel like you trust them and can connect with them. So those are all super important factors. And I guess you’d know too, wouldn’t you? Like you’d probably know, most coaching, you don’t usually go straight from zero to coaching rarely, it would typically be like an introductory call. From what I’ve seen anywhere, most coaches have a discovery call, I guess is what you call it, where maybe 10-15 minutes. And you connect or you don’t. Maybe that’s not everybody. Maybe some coaches are, “Here’s all my stuff. Here’s all my proof. Here’s all my videos. Hire me or don’t hire me. It’s up to you.”
Stephanie: It really depends. So when I’ve entered coaching containers, and when I posted, there are some people who know right away. Maybe they’ve been following your work for years. And they say, “Okay, I’m ready.” and they’re good to go. And then other times, there’s a more lengthy process. So I really say there is no one-size-fits-all. There could be, let’s say, a form to fill out and then you’re in a container. You’re in a group, you’re in a one on one environment or there could be that intro call, there could be some series of calls.
Adam: Yeah, I hear what you’re saying. I guess each individual person is going to be different, but also each in the same way each quarter is going to be different. And then how much would you take, when you’re doing coaching with people, typically, is a lot of mindset based and belief systems based or is it mostly the operation side that you find people need help with? There’s a kind of work in the realm of the psyche more or, “You’re doing everything wrong. Stop it. Use kajabi. Use WordPress.” Where do you typically see, where people need to help the most?
Stephanie: It’s a combination. So it’s very rarely 100% tactical, “Okay, here’s a checklist. Do all those things. You’re good, goodbye.: But then again, it’s also rarely, “Huh, the mindset isn’t right, or the energy isn’t right.” But actually, if it’s going to be one of the two, that’s the more likely scenario. We’re more likely to have limiting beliefs that are holding us back and you can have that list. And if you go and let’s say, read a blog, you can access a list of the Top 10 best tools for entrepreneurs. Sure, you can do that. But if it doesn’t work for you, then maybe you won’t have faith or trust in those systems, when in reality, there’s something going on within yourself. And this can be really triggering for some people. And we’re thinking, ‘I don’t want to be the problem.’ But let’s not think of it that way. You’re the solution. And let’s say there’s some outdated programming in your mind. And so one of the modalities that I use, I’m a certified hypnotherapist. So with my clients, I certainly have the tactical tools to provide to cut through that noise so that you don’t need to go out there and try everything on your own and say, “Okay, test number 220. That didn’t work either.” It’s like, “Hey, let’s cut through that, no need.” But if there are certain beliefs, certain emotions that are holding us back that we don’t understand, so having that awareness is key. But then once we have the awareness, we even need to go further than that, and reframe and internalize new belief systems, new feelings.
Adam: It can be triggering for people. It could be the rejection is a fair most people have, maybe they had a bad burn and it still lingers deep in the bones and that’s the reason why they’re so useless follow ups on calls or, or chasing people up for invoices. While it looks like, “Jesus Christ, just really just pick up the phone and follow up on leads.” They’re literally in your inbox. Whereas it’s like, that’s not the problem.
Stephanie: Yeah, but if you have the belief that, ‘Oh, people don’t like me, and this is going to go poorly.’ and you make the call, the call will go poorly. So that’s why it really all comes down to how you’re showing up.
Adam: Yeah. And that’s where having, like you’re saying, just working through with a coach can be helpful because it’s both sides. It’s not just one in terms of, yes, they can help with operations, but also, they’re trying to help you become self aware of the things that might be holding you back. Because often it’s self sabotage. It’s not that you are not capable. It’s not that you’re not worthy. It’s not that you can’t do the thing. It’s that you keep getting in your own way. Ruining your own opportunity. It’s not that you can’t do it. It’s like you’re holding yourself back.
Stephanie: And you’re trying to keep yourself safe through all that. It’s not like you’re setting out to, ‘You know what, I want to live a small confined life, and I’m going to do everything in my power to sabotage opportunities for expansion.’ That’s not how it works. We’re thinking about the possibility of failure. And when we think about the possibility of failure more than we think about the opportunity for success, that’s when we get tripped up. And either we don’t take the action or we take the action and we fall flat on our faces because the energy and the emotion behind it doesn’t match up with success.
Adam: I love it. You’re dropping value bombs here. Stephanie, it’s been a great conversation. I know you have meditation as well to try and help people with this. So people can get it at stephaniemichelle.com/meditation where you can kind of work through. It’s like a confidence meditation, isn’t it?
Stephanie: Oh, yeah, so I was gonna say go to the stephaniemichelle.com/freebie. And it’s a free 21 day confidence activation. So it’s really exciting. Just making the commitment to do it every day for 21 days will be a total game changer.
Adam: That’s the best place for people to connect with you. Where else will we find you? You mentioned LinkedIn earlier on, where do you hang out online if people want to connect and join?
Stephanie: On social media, you can find me pretty much everywhere but I’m the most active on Facebook and Instagram, and also, I’m getting a few Tik Toks up there. So @thestephaniemichelle is where you’ll find me in most places. Maybe not doing the dances so much. But hey, they have learning and development options. And there’s some fun behind the scenes stuff there.
Adam: Yeah, absolutely, I’ve noticed every American is doing this now on Instagram. That’s what’s going on, But look, they get thousands of views. No one hates it. It is what it is. Have fun with it. Once again, that’s probably back again to confidence. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Everybody’s got their own stuff going on. People aren’t looking at you as much as people tend to think they’re. And people who are successful and want the best for you. They don’t care if you fail, they appreciate that you tried. And they’ll try and prop you up for the next run. I think that’s important too, to have that sort of a community and environment around your work. Failures, it’s not failure. You just learn some lessons and you go again, Stephanie, it was a pleasure. You’re a really insightful person. And it was a fun talk with you. And I’ll make sure to link to everything in the show notes for YouTube and Spotify, wherever people are listening so that they can click out and connect. Do you have any workshops upcoming, any webinars in the pipeline?
Stephanie: Yes. So right now I’m in the beta launch of Stop Holding Back. How to rewire your subconscious mind for unshakable confidence no matter what. So that will likely be touring once a month, once a quarter. I don’t know when this is going to air exactly. But right now, it’s May 2021. So stay tuned for more dates. And I pretty much have a workshop or webinar at least once a month. So where you can find those is at thestephaniemichelle.com/events.
Adam: Perfect. Everything’s on your website. And if they sign up, I guess you get notified of all these things anyway through the events. So Stephanie, it was a pleasure. Thank you very much. And good luck with the audiobook as well that we didn’t touch.
Stephanie: Yes, we’re recording that right here right now.
Adam: Recording the audio book, so for those of you like myself, who like to go for a walk or drive and listen to audio books, because I don’t have all the time for reading, the luxury of reading most of the time. Stephanie’s recording it. It’ll be out on Audible.
Stephanie: Yeah, recording Confident Introvert on audio, finally.
Adam: Excellent. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Stephanie, all of us.
Stephanie: Guys, thank you, Adam.
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